Favorite Clothes #1: Versace Jeans
I own two pairs of versace jeans, and I paid about $20-$25 for each of them. They are uncomfortable garments: they hug my waist, pushing my rolls up and over (yes, I muffin top). Further, they also have narrow openings, and so involve tugging and hopping to slip them over my ankles in the morning if I choose to wear them (similar tugging is involved in the evening when it’s time to take them off).
Further, these are fascist pants: you conform to them, not vice versa. Gone is the gentleness of skinny jeans, with there 3% spandex- these pants are 100% cotton, with no stretching allowed. They shape you to there needs, landing wherever they see fit. No point in trying to tug them up or down- they will always return to where they started.
I fantasize about being skinny enough to make these everyday wear, and maybe if I lose ten pounds they could be comfortable enough. Yet I suspect even if they didn’t hug my waist uncomfortably, the ankle issue might prevent me from slipping them on everyday. I hate the jumping about and the tugging.
At this point, someone might suggest I just snip the bottms to open them up a little. This would solve the practical problem, and it would probably not be that noticeable; who knows, it might give it a trashed cute quality. But I don’t feel that this is what I can do. I’ll confess that I feel powerless compared to these jeans: i want them to be perfect, I want them to dominate my body. It would be like defacing a sculpture, to alter them- making the Mona Lisa a blonde because I prefer it. These pants are a challenge to wear, and I must accept the suffering that it is required by them. To do otherwise is to be petty, and mean of spirit. They were not meant to be comfortable: they’re purpose is to transform your bottom half into a walking versace jean statue. Not all clothes are like this: most of mine are comfy, stretchy, oversized, fun stuff. But if your going to wear versace, you have to give into them. If your not willing to, don’t wear versace.
